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by Bob Ditter
Dear Bob,
I am lucky enough to have been a teaching assistant this year, so at
age twenty-four my summer is once again free, and I am able to go back
to camp as a counselor. My non-camp friends don't understand the allure
that camp has for me. They can't see why I would voluntarily give up
my summers to be with a bunch of kids. I tell them how great it is to
know I can have such a positive impact on the kids I work with, even
though being a counselor is hard work sometimes.
What I am writing to you about is to get some help with how to describe
the role of a counselor. Being a younger child's best friend rings true
in some ways, but I know some counselors have trouble getting tough when
they need to after getting close to their campers. Also, do you have
any tips about working with children that might be helpful during the
summer?
-
Lucas M.
Dear Lucas,
I am glad that you are still so enthusiastic about camp, and I appreciate
the opportunity to share the following ideas about being a counselor.
The Role You Play
The role of counselor has been described many different ways - as a
camper's best friend, as a kind of surrogate parent, or even as a coach.
None of these analogies are perfect because being a camp counselor has
its own special characteristics and relationships. Since most counselors
have not been parents, trying to be one may not be too meaningful.
There are also drawbacks to the concept of being a camper's best friend.
You mentioned one drawback in your letter. Besides the ability to set
limits with campers (for their own physical and emotional safety), a
counselor would not confide in or share with a camper aspects of his
or her personal life as one might do with a best friend. A counselor
would not expect to get advice from or lean on a camper as one might
a best friend. Finally, a counselor would not engage in certain kinds
of activities with a camper that one might with friends. So, while a
counselor can have a lot of fun and be enormously helpful to a child,
being a best friend is a very different kind of relationship.
Another way to view the role of a counselor with children is as a wise,
benevolent, and caring older brother or sister. An older brother or sister
wouldn't let a younger sibling do something to hurt themselves or others.
An older brother or sister would intervene when a younger sibling was
getting too wound up. Older brothers and sisters care for their siblings
and have fun with them and take an interest in them while still being
able to put on the brakes when needed. Also, unlike a friend, there are
certain confidences or aspects of your private life you would not share
with a younger brother or sister because it would be confusing, upsetting,
or put too much of a burden on them. We all know that younger siblings
can be curious. An older brother or sister would know this was natural,
but would be careful not to share information that was essentially private.
The Decisions You Make
Being an effective counselor also means making sound decisions for your
campers. The first question to ask yourself when making a decision that
affects campers is, "Whose well being am I serving - mine (I get to be
popular; I get to have fun doing what I want to do; I get to be with
my friends) or my campers?" A second question is, "What is the risk involved,
and am I certain that everyone will be able to negotiate that risk and
end up safe both emotionally and physically?" With the greatest of relationships
and the best of intentions, if our decision-making endangers or compromises
the safety of children, we have lost the trust given to us when we assumed
the responsibilities of being a counselor.
The Time You Spend
When it comes to the quality of time a counselor spends with campers,
I have some tips that may help you be a more successful counselor:
- The time you spend at the beginning of a session getting to know
campers
and establishing a way of meeting as a group will pay dividends during the
rest of the season. This is the time to establish routines, create a rapport,
and win the trust of your campers.
- Make a ritual of meeting at the same time every day for five to ten
minutes
to simply acknowledge how helpful or considerate specific campers have
been to one another during the day. This public recognition should become
part of your bunk or group culture. It is especially effective when done
at
the end of the day.
- Allow your campers to solve problems as a group right from the start.
For example, instead of you and your co-counselor imposing your system
of clean-up jobs on the campers, have them brainstorm how the system
should work. Remember, lay down your ground rules for group problem
solving right from the start.
Challenging Times
When campers begin to show challenging behavior, think of their actions
as nonverbal statements. Campers are usually expressing one of three
to four sentiments with their misbehavior: they are seeking attention,
power, revenge, or trying to protect themselves.
Take a deep breath
The first thing to do when responding to such behavior is to take a deep breath
and ask yourself, "What is my intention with this camper?" That is, how do
you want to come across? Many younger or inexperienced counselors are not
aware of what their intention is and may seem angry or vindictive even when
they are trying to be thoughtful or engaging. How you come across to campers
will have tremendous effect on what results you get. Ask yourself if you
are trying to get even, show the kid who's boss, punish the kid, or get to
the bottom of things.
Stay calm
Secondly, stay calm. If you are taking the camper's actions personally, you
will react out of anger or frustration and be less effective. Find out what
the child is trying to get from his behavior. When kids act in such a way
that they either get into trouble or push other children away, it can be
powerful simply to say, "I understand what I think you are trying to do;
let's see if we can do it in a way that doesn't get you in trouble or cause
you to lose friends."
Helping children solve problems and learn social skills is easier if
they think you have their best interests at heart. Camp is full of opportunities
for children to learn new and more effective behaviors for getting what
they want, like making and keeping friends and getting attention and
recognition for their true accomplishments. Have a great summer!
Originally published in the 1999 May/June
issue of Camping Magazine. |
