Dear Bob,

At the end of our summer session, many of our campers (and we suspect some of our staff) carve their initials into the bunks or write graffiti on everything from the phone desk in the office to lavatories and the shower stalls. No matter what “talks” we have with our camp community, we don’t seem to be able to curb these practices. Do you have any thoughts you could share that might have an impact on this behavior?

— California Dreamin’

Dear Bob,

We have managed to create a wonderful camp culture based on caring and a true sense of community. Many campers and staff feel this is their home away from home. What concerns us is the level of upset at the end of each session (we run two four-week sessions). Counselors and campers alike seem overcome by the grief of leaving one another. It seems that all the good feeling and growth of the summer gets lost in the tears. Does leaving have to be this emotional, or are we needlessly concerned?

— Happy Campers

Dear Dreamin’ and Happy,

Saying good-bye is something most people find difficult. Many people would rather avoid or put off the sad or painful feelings that come with leaving those they have become fond of or with whom they have meaningful connections.

Counselors may themselves avoid saying good-bye for different reasons. Some counselors emotionally leave camp before they physically depart, thinking ahead to what is waiting for them after camp. Others, who have developed strong, healthy attachments to campers and other staff members, may find the thought of leaving camp as difficult as it can be for some of the children. Overall, your staff may benefit from talking about the end of camp as much as your campers.

View the Ending of Camp as a Process

It is best to begin talking about endings well before they actually happen. My experience is that most camps wait until just the last day or two of a session to acknowledge all that the ending of camp can signify. This often means that too much emotion is forced upon campers and staff in too little time. It is more effective to view the end of camp as a process, involving many feelings and issues, rather than just a single event.

For example, campers who carve their initials into the woodwork or who write on various surfaces join a well-documented tradition of leave-takers who want to be remembered. One of the big questions a campers has, somewhat below the surface of their awareness, is “Now that I’ve spent this time here, who will remember me? And what will I remember of it?” Carving one’s initials into something seems to lend a kind of permanence to the feelings that come with passing on. It is like the carver is saying, “I really was here!”

Count Down to Help Campers Prepare

My suggestion is to do a little less talking about the “problem” and more talking about the actual ending of camp. When you ask most campers, however, they can’t imagine what else you would say about leaving camp other than good-bye. This is where campers need camp staff’s help to increase their awareness and guide them through a more meaningful, satisfying ending.

For example, I suggest counselors actually start a countdown the last week or five days of a two-week session. During this period, counselors should ask campers what it is they haven’t done yet at camp that they’d like to make sure they do or do more of before they leave. Once again, left to their own, many campers will deny that time is slipping away and will not do what they then find they have no more time for on the last day.

Remember the good times
In addition, the ending time in any significant place should include taking stock of all the best and most fun or meaningful events. Reminiscing is a healthy way for counselors to help campers preserve and make sense of their experience. Remember that it is when children don’t use their words that their feelings then drive them to act, such as carving into camp buildings or writing on camp property.

Offer Acceptable Forms of Reminiscence

Some other conversations sparked by the ending of camp can include best and worst moments of the past two weeks, favorite moments or activities, looking ahead to what campers would do next year, and so on. A counselor who is skillful with this conversation can help campers understand what they have accomplished during their time at camp and what they take home with them. These may be new abilities, new social skills, new friends, new tolerances, and not just trophies for winning the inter-camp baseball tournament. In fact, if camps did as superb a job of acknowledging and marking campers’ social and emotional growth as they do athletic achievement, many campers would leave camp with a richer, more robust sense of their growth and accomplishments.

Leave-taking rituals preserve camp’s world of good
To these conversations, add as many rituals of leave-taking as you and your staff can dream up. Remember one of the golden rules of behavior management: to extinguish a certain behavior (such as graffiti), replace that behavior with a behavioral option that is just as compelling but more acceptable. Acceptable alternatives to graffiti would include group pictures, mini-bunk or group scrapbooks, skits and plays and poems, murals depicting the events of the session, campfires with reminiscing and special songs, time capsules, a group carving or sculpture, and letters campers write to other campers and counselors.

Discussing the ending of camp with campers and encouraging them to express their feelings through positive channels can help them feel less “ambushed” by their feelings and preserve more of the world of good that camp can provide.

Bob Ditter is a licensed clinical social worker specializing in child, adolescent, and family therapy. He supervises content for Bunk1.com and can be reached via e-mail at InTheTrenches@bunk1.com or by fax at 617-572-3373. “In the Trenches” is sponsored by American Income Life Insurance